i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
