Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
