I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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