Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Randomize
