She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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