She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
