1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
