I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I cut my penus on the lid.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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