haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
