So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Do vagina's smell?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
