you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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