I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
