I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
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