What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
Randomize
