I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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