Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
