I accidentally had phone sex last night
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Randomize
