you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
