i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
