I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Randomize
