well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I think a kid would responsible me up
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
