just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
