why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
