apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
