you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
