I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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