Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
