Soap is not a condiment
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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