It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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