Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
