but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I cockslap morals
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
