Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
