i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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