i barfeds in our rink
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
