I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
