am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
