you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
