I cannot find my penis.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
