She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
the condom got lost in my hair
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
