Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
