hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
