her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
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