i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
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