never play flip cup with pint glasses
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
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