hell yes lets make some ravioli
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
