if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
