Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
handjob tips. give me some.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
