Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
