I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Redeem this text for a blowjob
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
