I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
