I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
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